
Good Grief
If you’ve been following my blog posts for the past few months, you’ll see that I’ve been helping with the caregiving of a close loved one. Sadly, my family member who had terminal brain cancer passed two weeks ago. I’ve only ever experienced grief once before, also from the loss of someone I love dearly who was suddenly taken from our family...but having already gone through this experience doesn’t make the process of mourning any easier.
Death is such a natural and inevitable condition of life. Death happens all around us and all through our lives. Along with our loved ones, family members, friends, acquaintances, and pets, we die.
Eventually, all living creatures die.

So why do we have such a hard time dealing with death?
“Grief releases love and it also instills a profound sense of connection.”
-Jacqueline Novogratz
Studies show that how we grieve has a lot to do with our attachment style.
Going beyond the behavioral theory of attachment (that says a child becomes attached to its mother merely because she provides food) 1930’s Psychiatrist John Bowlby introduced an attachment theory based on the idea that there is an emotional, social, and psychological bond between mother and child.
“I wonder if my first breath was as soul-stirring to my mother as her last breath was to me."
– From 14 Days: A Mother, A Daughter, A Two-Week Goodbye
― Lisa Goich
Together with Developmental Psychologist Mary Ainsworth, Bowlby’s theory was later expanded in the 1950’s, when a series of attachment studies and research papers emerged on child-mother relationship attachment patterns. Read the origins of attachment theory here.
“You only lose what you cling to.”
-Buddha
Furthermore, how we’re affected by the loss of our attachments may be significantly determined by our attachment style/pattern.
“Detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie

Psychologist and Psychotherapist Adrienne M. Meier (Department of Clinical Psychology at Fuller Theological Seminary in California) conducted two research studies to examine these effects.
“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt”
-Mark Twain
If that's the case, then it’s understandable why some people have a more difficult time grieving their loved ones than others.
If working through the 5 Stages of Grief is influenced by how we attach ourselves to other people, specifically in our early childhood, knowing what style we have, must be helpful in bereavement recovery.
“The mourning process can feel like going through a carwash without a car.”
― Jodi Livon

Everyone has a hard time dealing with death. Some people have a harder time than others because they may not start out with, or learn throughout their life, the proper tools to deal with it. So my question now is...
Why aren't we teaching about death and the grieving process in schools?
There is no good grief. It’s all difficult. But any little insight or tip a person can learn (especially a little person) to help get through the mourning process smoother, has got to be a good thing.

Tracy Bryan writes whimsical books for kids ages 4-12. She likes to tackle important and diverse topics that affect kids and their families. She also writes a blog for adults and one for kids aged 7-12 called The Awesomeness Blog.
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Thanks for sharing 🙂